You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
