on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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