two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
