So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
