hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
