:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
