I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
