How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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