I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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