i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We are two peas in an std pod
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
