I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
