The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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