from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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