The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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