It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
