You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
