batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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