Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
