well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
