U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
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