dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
