$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
