I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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