There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
