R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I think your dad took our porno
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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