he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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