I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
