I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
