I smell stomach acid.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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