You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
