she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
