I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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