just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
