u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You dont lie about slip and slides
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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