Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
