you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize