I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
