I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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