I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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