We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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