So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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