Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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