Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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