Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
