At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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