peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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