just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
