Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
