Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
