Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
