He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
