I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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