you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
