you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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