Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
