This house was built for laser tag.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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