I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
