if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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