I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if only i could text you this smell
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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