i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize