im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize