I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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