Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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