so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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