The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
