it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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