Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
