he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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