Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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