Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
